So then the Hiring Committee sent out this response to the "clarification" sent out by Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny...

TO: English Department Faculty
FROM: The Hiring Committee - Position (Casper the Friendly Ghost, Conan the Barbarian, General George Armstrong Custer, and Vlad the Impaler)
SUBJECT: Response to the letter of resignation submitted by Sanata Claus the the Easter Bunny
CC: the Dean & the Provost [don't they have better things to do than read this crap?]

As you know, the hiring committee is moving forward with plans to hire a faculty member in Specialty, a position discussed and voted on by faculty at a department meeting last Spring. We hope that you will all join us in welcoming the candidates to campus in the next two weeks.

At this time, we write to assure the department that protocol has been followed throughout the hiring process and to clarify the committee's perspective on allegations raised by Santa Claus & the Easter Bunny in their letter of resignation from this hiring committee.

1) Though the pool of applicants is small (twenty-one), the committee was able to select a group of seven qualified finalists at our first meeting. At the first meeting, however, three key issues arose:

a) Santa Claus & the Easter Bunny believed one of the candidates to be a personal friend of Vlad the Impaler's, and thus asserted that Vlad must recuse herself from voting on that candidate. Vlad the Impaler explained several times that she knows of this candidate's work through Conference committees but has met neither her nor her husband (who also applied for the position and who is the minority candidate/finalist in question) personally. In addition, Vlad the Impaler explained that she had originally suggested, via email, to the female candidate that she apply because she seemed like an appropriate candidate with expertise and experience in the field.

b) At the beginning of the meeting, Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny suggested that we not spend time looking at the files because the pool of applicants was so small and because there was only one minority candidate. Vlad the Impaler and Casper the Friendly Ghost both argued that we owed it to the department and the applicants to review and discuss their files in a serious manner to determine if anyone seemed appropriate for the position. After reviewing the files, we agreed on seven qualified finalists, and scheduled a meeting for the following week to review and rank the candidates. Clearly, given that we were able to agree on seven candidates for further review indicates the presence of a small, but very qualified, pool of applicants.

c) When we discussed the minority candidate, who is Iranian, the Easter Bunny asserted that he did not want to hire an Iranian, and that we do not need an Iranian in our department.

He had stated this previously to one member of the committee, and he repeated this assertion at our follow-up meeting one week later when this candidate was selected as one of the top three finalists. In our view, this comment was entirely out of line, and as members of this department and of this particular committee, we strongly believe that no one has any right to discriminate against anyone on the basis of race, ethnicity, or nationality.

2) Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny suggest in their letter that they resigned because the minority candidate in question is, in their view, the weakest of the seven finalists. They allege that the rest of us rated him highly simply because he is a minority candidate with training in Field. This allegation is absolutely untrue: none of us argued that "the candidate rates highly because he is a minority." He is an impressive candidate, with a Ph.D. in Field. He has taught courses in Subject and has received several teaching awards. He has had direct experience with Activities in the Subject & Subject worlds, and his recommendations are stellar. In addition to the work he does in his own field, he is also a translator of Persian poetry, and he has demonstrated a strong commitment to multicultural education. We believe that he is anything but "poorly qualified," and we invite you all to review his file (as well as the others') and meet him when he comes to campus for an interview on March 8th.

3) The letter from Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny states that they "are opposed to changing the job description to fit one candidate." The original job description was first published in early Fall, and was then altered as per changes suggested by Santa Claus at a department meeting in December. At that time, it was also agreed that the job search would be extended to February 15, 2006. Since that final version of the job description went out, no changes have been made.

4) Finally, their letter states, "We believe that the committee's desire to select a minority candidate is actually a clever ruse to hire a candidate who might be an acquaintance or a relative of an acquaintance of a committee member." See above (#la) for clarification on this point. Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny have been fully informed that Vlad the Impaler does not personally know either the female candidate (who is not among the seven finalists) or her husband, the minority candidate in question. Such allegations, especially after they have been repeatedly answered, do not serve a constructive purpose in the department.

Though the committee respects the decision of Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny to resign, we want to assure the department that we have followed protocol and the priorities established by the department from the very beginning of the search, and that we will continue to do so. We will be seeking your input on the finalists who come to campus for interviews, so we encourage you to take the time to review their files, to hear them talk at the luncheons, and to spend time with them while they are visiting our campus.