Faculty Members Are Simply Better Than The Rest Of Us

The Chair of the Department was overheard today asking the secretaries whether "cleaning" could be added to their list of duties. A surreptitious peek revealed that she was unable even to look them in the eye as she made her request, which, we assume, was in regard to the disgusting mess one usually encounters whenever one ventures near the microwave, the refrigerator, or the water cooler in the common area.

We here at the Brooklyn English Underground realize that college professors hatch from pods and thereafter roam freely over the landscape without benefit of parental instruction in such matters, so allow us to offer some advice.

When you nuke your soup, wipe up anything left clinging to the inside walls of the oven.

When you put something in the refrigerator, always remember to come back later and remove it before such time as it grows a furry coat. If your package leaves an offensive puddle of filth behind, clean it up.

If you spill anything on the countertop during the preparation of whatever you are eating or drinking, clean it up.

Do not assume that someone else will do these things for you.

Believe it or not, an advanced degree does not automatically relieve you of the obligation to behave responsibly.

Indeed, since English professors typically insist that they should not be treated as better than anyone else (despite their status as members of the cultural elite), some might even argue that stooping to clean the microwave on occasion would provide them with an excellent opportunity to demonstrate that their professed solidarity with the working class is more than so much hot air.